Being an adult is hard, yo.

I want to start off, by apologizing for the title of this blog's fake 'gangsta-speak'.

I blame my friend.

She is the only person I know, who can't send a casual email to a friend without first proof reading it multiple times in order to catch any spelling and grammatical errors.

So, naturally, laughter ensued when she followed a completely innocent normal sentence with: 'yo'.

I don't recall the exact sentence, but it was something along the lines of "I have to go to bed now... I work in the morning, yo." Straight faced, and completely serious, The Queen of Grammar (as she shall now be dubbed), ended a sentence with 'yo'. 

Have I ever mentioned that I love my friends, especially when they do unexpected but hilarious things?

ANYWAY....

I've know I've been absent for a really long time now (if only I were also in a galaxy far far away too... Doctor! I want to be your next companion!! Get your blue box here this instant!! Please?)... I'm sure you're wondering why.

Since you last heard from me, I've become a full fledged grown up!! Well, sort of...

Being an adult is really hard, yo.

 

Mainly, I've managed to get paid enough to afford my own apartment.

 

All by myself. 

 

I'm so proud of me!!

(No this isn't an ad in my blog, it's a video of an old commercial that is supposed to add comedic value to the last couple sentences. You just had to make me explain and ruin the joke, didn't you?)

 

Keeping up with everything that comes along with being a grown-up, however, has been quite the struggle. I don't know how other people do it, or where they find the energy. 

Allie Brosh sometimes speaks things that happen in my head to such a perfect degree. This excerpt is from her book. You should read that, and her website (http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/). If you have a sense of humor you'll love it. If you've ever been depressed, or just odd, you'll relate. She's amazeballs, yo!

            

Somebody should teach me how to be an adult, or just find a way for me to be really rich so I can stop struggling to be what I'm not. 'Cause, I make a great kid, yo! I mean, I can bond with a 5 year old like nobody's business! (well, maybe not with all 5 year olds. Just with one in particular because I'm pretty sure she's me reincarnated, despite the fact that I'm pretty sure that's not how reincarnation works).

Case in point - I actually had a real conversation with a 5 year old, where we legitimately debated the name of a character in He-Man. Or was it in She-Ra? It could have been in The Secret of the Sword, because that has both.

 

Hmmm... I should consult the 5 year old expert. I mean, she was totally right about the name of the villain, so she's bound to know the correct answer to this question too.

See? I'm bad at being an adult. I'm consulting a 5 year old for answers. Who is rich and wants to adopt me?  Don't all sign up at once, I know it's tempting...
                            

 

Oh, and going back to how I love the fact that my friends are as weird as me... guess what are the two favorite presents I gifted to friends this year? Go on, guess! (You'll never guess). No, it's not the hand-made bag with my grandmother's 1930's photo on it, and no it's not the two-in-one NES/SNES game system.

Give up? 

This stuff is awesome! I can bake cheese all by itself without it sticking

 

 

Friend who was mentioned earlier for saying "yo", got non-stick foil. She was so excited that she HAD to bake cookies right that instant. Win-win with that present. :)

And the other weird one, you ask?

 

Ketchup.

Yup, you read that right: Ketchup. 

 

My friend lives in the middle of nowhere, so when she saw the Balsamic Heinz in my fridge while visiting one day, she was obsessed with finding some for herself without luck. I stumbled upon it at Target, and also saw a jalapeno one too.

                                         

She loved it sooooo much, that she literally knocked me over with a hug, smashing my nose in the process.

 

I love how weird & silly my friends are. I really do.

 

WTF Brain?

Woke up at around 5am due to a dream about being on an alien planet with approximately 5-10 other people, which was fine because it was a pretty mellow atmosphere, and we were in a mansion that seemed similar to a parking garage (except that it was actually a mansion inside). The smaller local animals were edible (aside from the scary monster-ish ones, which the guys all hunted to protect us), and there was fresh water, so we were ok...

But there were only two other women... one was about to give birth and needed my help, and the other was some middle aged woman with short curly hair who wasn't convinced I was worthy of helping deliver the baby until I became officially "one of them". Which meant she tried to brand me with a hot metal frying pan full of coals.


I ran to the bathroom and tried to lock myself in for safety, but I didn't get the door closed quick enough, and she pushed it open! Luckily the guys were tackling her (took 3-4 of them!) and she ended up burning/branding her own leg badly... thought I was safe after that, but I wasn't. I woke up right as she managed to burn my leg mid tackle...

Here's some pictures to help you visualize the whole thing:






Within 5-10 minutes of waking up and wondering why it was 5am, my cat started hacking...
I got her off the bed just in time for her to puke on the carpet rather than my comforter... (I have a knack for that. Once I caught her just before she puked on my head/pillow! Groggy or not, her puking on my bed makes my 'cat-like reflexes' kick in. Pun intended).


I like to puke on your make-shift bed.

I don't know how I managed to fall back asleep, really...

There are tiny Dalek's in my keyboard!

So, today (and by today, I mean like a month ago when I forgot to post this) I decided to be healthy (for reals) and eat some Moroccan Spiced Quinoa Salad, but proceeded to spill a bunch on my keyboard. (One of the reasons why I should really stop eating near computers).

So, I laugh it off and tell my friend (let's call her Oracle, or maybe Editor. I may go back and forth, so pay attention and keep up) about my klutziness, and she asks if I've got canned air.

My first thought is how odd it is that humans put air in a can and then sell it... that sounds like more of a scam than bottled water. There must be a conspiracy.
I of course have never purchased such silliness, as air is free everywhere. I can get it pressurized using my own lungs too!!!

We then discuss how there's all sorts of junk probably living in my keyboard, and that using the canned air will get rid of it/kill it.


Which leads me to my second thought...



The Oracle wants me to murder the Whovian village that lives in my keyboard!!!

That would be Whovian genocide!!!

However, if they're evil as she claims, then it'll be like killing Dalek's = for the greater good of Ing-kind. So maybe I should invest in some...

(a billion points* if you noticed any of the Doctor Who references. A trillion points* if you noticed that the Dr. Seuss species that Horton hears, have the same name as Doctor Who fans...or maybe I accidentally made that up and Horton's critters are just plurally called "Who's" or something...hhhmmmm...)
*Disclaimer: points have no actual monetary value and are just there to tell you how awesome you are.

Ring Ring. Hello?

Am I the only one who has to feel like I need to look presentable before making a phone call?

I'm not even talking about video calls.

Just regular ordinary phone calls where nobody can see you at all. 

Seriously... I brush my hair, make sure I'm dressed, and make sure my make-up isn't smeared before picking up the phone to make necessary phone calls. Not sure why.

It's like I've been prepared for Skype my whole life, despite only discovering such a service recently.

Oh, man...

Just wait till I use Skype or other video calling services with more people than just BFF!! I'll have to be ready for a night out on the town or something!! What is wrong with me? haha

I am so weird, however I have a hard time believing that I'm the only one out there who does this...

Anyone?

Bueller? 



Appreciate a Dragon Day

So, I have this friend who lives in another state, and we only have random text conversations once in a while.

Tonight he starts off asking if I'm on Twitter, (which I'm not because I have Facebook and also recently have become obssessed with Pinterest, and I really don't need an addiction added to the collection that dumbs me down to something shorter than a Facebook status update). He asks me what Pinterest is, and I try my best to explain the concept of a virtual pinboard to a boy who probably has no idea what a real life one is.
Then he asks me where I was on MLK day...(Random jump in topic, I know, but that's how a lot of my friends work. Their randomness amuses me to no end.)

Here's where I have to backtrack...

Basically, before the internet was available on cell phones, I entertained myself at boring holiday events by texting everyone in my phone with a "Happy Whatever Holiday it is" text. This resulted in many texts back providing me with a false image of being much more popular and loved than I actually am. As I love fairy tales and science fiction and everything that is completely opposite of reality, this was exciting. Yay!

My friend (hhmmmm, I didn't nickname him yet did I? Let's call him Corn cause it makes sense to me and not to anyone else, and I think it's funny to confuse people on purpose once in a while)... So, Corn is always very pleased to receive my holiday texts, and gives me crap if he thinks I've missed a holiday.

Aaaaannnnnnddddd, now we're back on track again. Yippee!

So he gives me crap about not texting him "Happy MLK Day!", and after a moment of internet searching to prove my point, I find this site: http://www.dailyholidays.net/month.php?month=1#Week03

My reply to him is as follows: "I don't text on all holidays in existence. That would be a lot of texting. Technically everyday is a holiday, for example... yesterday was "Appreciate a Dragon Day."

Corn: "I think you're a racist."

Me: "Against Dragons? You got me."

Corn:   :b

Me:     :)


Happy Belated Appreciate a Dragon Day guys!!

(I'm not really racist. Dragons are awesome!!)

*****************

 

UPDATE (Jan 20th):

Corn: "I will never forgive you for missing MLK day"

Me: "Happy National Cheese Lovers Day!!"

Just horsING around.

It's been a while since I've posted anything, which really doesn't help me obtain readers (and attention). So I've decided I need to avoid the epic stories, and just keep it short and sweet (or short and weird, because weird is less boring than sweet.)So, to start things off in the appropriately awkward direction, here's a video I found when searching for Halloween costume ideas.

This video is seriously tempting me to be a unicorn or a centaur this year (and it also kind of makes me want to eat a cookie).

Although, even unemployed as I currently am, it's a lot of work to do in two weeks. Mainly because I wouldn't be able to settle for the only authentic looking part of the costume being hooves. The whole thing has to look authentic, (and by authentic, I mean "not cheap, half-assed, or store bought").

It's just how I roll.

If I had more money, and wasn't lazy, I'd start being a comi-con nerd-girl and making bad-ass costumes  year round (I WAS Sailor Moon one year, and it was awesome).


(The pictures of the costume, are from back in the day when we actually went to a store to develop film. One day I'll scan them and you can see my costume. For now, laziness wins.)


However...socializing, boozing, eating, and sleeping appeal more to my lazy side than fancy costumes, and lazy wins out more often than ambition. My party loving socialite parts, and my socially awkward nerd parts are always conflicting. They have yet to get along properly.

Though, I'm taking lessons from BFF and Blanket, (not that I'm allowed to call her Blanket, it's not a nickname I have ever been any part of...but I've chosen to keep real names hidden from the public, so it's all I currently can think of). For those that don't know - both lovely ladies have this unnatural ability to unwittingly make the male species fall in love with them no matter what they do. I am simultaneously fascinated, baffled, curious, and skeptical as to how this is possible. If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn't have believed it.

I think BFF has super-human pheromones, and Blanket is just magical.

Like unicorns and centaurs are.

Whoa... my friends are mythological beasts. AWESOME!

************************

UPDATE:
(even though I forgot to post this, thus causing this update to be more of the initial post... but, why get technical?)

I AM A MYTHOLOGICAL BEAST TOO!!!

That's me & BFF (she's wearing my old Peacock costume, which I also made).

Yup, that's right. I'm an effing dragon. A DRAGON!!! and I pulled off the costume (aka: made it) in two weeks.

Sadly, the feet were never finished. They are just giant chenille pipe-cleaners bent into talon shape. They look a lot like Muppet feet, which is hilarious to me. I kinda want to take a picture for you, but that would mean cleaning so you don't see the current disastrous mess that is this house.

Again, laziness wins.

Come January, I hope to move and leave this mess behind, thus you'll get more pictures and possibly more posts cause I'll be all happy and inspired to write/post pictures, and be silly to no one in particular since no one really reads my blogs. If you read, you should leave me comments cause I'm pretty sure you readers (aside from the few I've pressured into reading this) are as mythological as my costume.


I DO BELIEVE IN READERS, I DO, I DO!!! (You're kinda like fairies, right?)

Note to self...

Just because you live in a climate that is always rainy, cloudy, and hasn't seen much of a spring/summer yet despite it being the end of June... does not mean you should ignore this fantastic invention called sunscreen.

I am half lobster, and my seat belt has decided I must suffer repeatedly for it.

Dear Seat Belt,

You don't have to rub it in anymore.

I feel the burn.

Thanks for the reminder though, I know you're only trying to keep me safe.

Sincerely,
ING