Just horsING around.

It's been a while since I've posted anything, which really doesn't help me obtain readers (and attention). So I've decided I need to avoid the epic stories, and just keep it short and sweet (or short and weird, because weird is less boring than sweet.)So, to start things off in the appropriately awkward direction, here's a video I found when searching for Halloween costume ideas.

This video is seriously tempting me to be a unicorn or a centaur this year (and it also kind of makes me want to eat a cookie).

Although, even unemployed as I currently am, it's a lot of work to do in two weeks. Mainly because I wouldn't be able to settle for the only authentic looking part of the costume being hooves. The whole thing has to look authentic, (and by authentic, I mean "not cheap, half-assed, or store bought").

It's just how I roll.

If I had more money, and wasn't lazy, I'd start being a comi-con nerd-girl and making bad-ass costumes  year round (I WAS Sailor Moon one year, and it was awesome).


(The pictures of the costume, are from back in the day when we actually went to a store to develop film. One day I'll scan them and you can see my costume. For now, laziness wins.)


However...socializing, boozing, eating, and sleeping appeal more to my lazy side than fancy costumes, and lazy wins out more often than ambition. My party loving socialite parts, and my socially awkward nerd parts are always conflicting. They have yet to get along properly.

Though, I'm taking lessons from BFF and Blanket, (not that I'm allowed to call her Blanket, it's not a nickname I have ever been any part of...but I've chosen to keep real names hidden from the public, so it's all I currently can think of). For those that don't know - both lovely ladies have this unnatural ability to unwittingly make the male species fall in love with them no matter what they do. I am simultaneously fascinated, baffled, curious, and skeptical as to how this is possible. If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn't have believed it.

I think BFF has super-human pheromones, and Blanket is just magical.

Like unicorns and centaurs are.

Whoa... my friends are mythological beasts. AWESOME!

************************

UPDATE:
(even though I forgot to post this, thus causing this update to be more of the initial post... but, why get technical?)

I AM A MYTHOLOGICAL BEAST TOO!!!

That's me & BFF (she's wearing my old Peacock costume, which I also made).

Yup, that's right. I'm an effing dragon. A DRAGON!!! and I pulled off the costume (aka: made it) in two weeks.

Sadly, the feet were never finished. They are just giant chenille pipe-cleaners bent into talon shape. They look a lot like Muppet feet, which is hilarious to me. I kinda want to take a picture for you, but that would mean cleaning so you don't see the current disastrous mess that is this house.

Again, laziness wins.

Come January, I hope to move and leave this mess behind, thus you'll get more pictures and possibly more posts cause I'll be all happy and inspired to write/post pictures, and be silly to no one in particular since no one really reads my blogs. If you read, you should leave me comments cause I'm pretty sure you readers (aside from the few I've pressured into reading this) are as mythological as my costume.


I DO BELIEVE IN READERS, I DO, I DO!!! (You're kinda like fairies, right?)

Note to self...

Just because you live in a climate that is always rainy, cloudy, and hasn't seen much of a spring/summer yet despite it being the end of June... does not mean you should ignore this fantastic invention called sunscreen.

I am half lobster, and my seat belt has decided I must suffer repeatedly for it.

Dear Seat Belt,

You don't have to rub it in anymore.

I feel the burn.

Thanks for the reminder though, I know you're only trying to keep me safe.

Sincerely,
ING

I blame squirrels.

Apparrently Bellevue has a flying squirrel problem.

Houston, we have a problem...

Seriously, my friend couldn't work because they knocked out the power in her building. This happened for at least two days...
And she gets to blame squirrels!


I want to blame squirrels for something.

I blame squirrels for Anakin becoming Darth Vadar. If squirrels had been Jedi's, he would have told that old wrinkly evil dude:  "You have cool powers and all, but they've got flying squirrels with light sabers... you just can't compete with Jedi Squirrels."

PURE AWESOME

 

Super Squirrel!!

 Dear Squirrels,
You are way cooler than chipmunks, especially you flying squirrels. You're cute, with fluffy tails, and badass because you can fly too!

(Well, you para glide, but that's more than chipmunks can do, and they've been getting all the publicity). 

I think you should continue causing minor annoyances so that you can enjoy some of the spotlight in Hollywood too.

Sincerely,
ING












Dear Alvin, Simon & Theodore,

Move over, there's some new tiny furry critters in town, and they mean business.

They don't fuck around, they can cut off power lines, do Kung Fu, handle four light sabers at once, and who knows what else.

They might even steal your girlfriends. Girls dig bad boys, and these guys are badasses.

Sincerely,
ING







And now, just because I'm bored and don't really know how to end a blog about squirrels, you get some pictures proving how awesome squirrels are:

They play poker.

Told you some of them knew some Kung Fu! They probably even know some Ninjitsu, and Karate, etc...

I really really wish this little guy was real!! I'd totally have one as a pet!!! **swoon**







Purple Corndogs

I just remembered that I used to eat purple corndogs in elementary school.

No, not a bold purple, but a sickly purplish-pink color. Hot dogs and corn dogs are supposed to have that nice fleshy pink color to them:

(wow, shouldn't have used the word "fleshy" right there... kind of an appetite killer) but in elementary, we'd get all excited on corndog day, only to bite into something that looked not quite right.

Also fleshy cause it's got a face! It's alive!!! Aaahhh!!

hhhhmmm... after having made that picture, I'm realizing a zombie corndog with ketchup blood would have been way cooler. I'll have to make a zombie corndog for you some day in the future, just not today.

Instead, here's a picture I found online of a crazy corndog that's just not right. It could be delicious, but it's still just not quite right.

Not really sure why they would serve us something like that. Isn't there quality control for school lunches? Maybe not. I do recall crinkle fries being served. I love fries, but despise crinkle fries. They're like little crimped monsters of no flavor.

You'd think kids would react like John Oliver did in the Purple Dinner Incident of 1981 to things like purple hot dogs and crimped bland fries, but for some reason, children of all picky-ness levels still eat them. Maybe it's the novelty of them being different? My mom did get me to eat broccoli by telling me they were little trees (honestly not sure why that worked - you don't eat big trees), and olives were fun cause you could stick them on your fingertips.

But purple hot dogs? Was it that kids like purple things? Is that how Grimace (essentially a monster of sorts) could help convince kids to eat Happy Meals?

(Disclaimer: found this picture online. Don't sue me for it. Imitation is flattery, or something.)

Apparently purple is delicious to kids, and kids are delicious to purple.

(Disclaimer: again... not mine. Found online. But you should know that cause who doesn't remember the One Eyed One Horned Flying Purple People Eater?)

Mmmmmmmmm.... Purple....

Evil Death Balls

I was momentarily enthralled by fun white min-pellets, until the drive home reminded me of the evil within those disguises and the havoc they wreak.

Luckily I foiled snow's destructive plans and made it home safely. Phew!

But a warning to you... Don't let fluffy flakes or bouncy fun fool you.... it's a trap!!! 


Speaking of flakes... Mother nature could use some Head & Shoulders too...

Don't be a Flake.

Dear "Tony the Tiger",

I think you're a bit 'cornfused'... your flakiness is not great.

We make plans, and you don't call, don't show...

I decided, rather than get upset at your childish antics, to offer a helpful solution:

Hope to hear from you soon!

Sincerely,
ING

Bailey

So, about 3 years ago Best Friend lived with me. And she talked me into allowing her to get a dog. Since I'm a sucker for cute fuzzy critters, I said yes. I shouldn't have because I severely underestimated the potty training of puppies... but I said yes and soon fell in love with this little dog named Bailey. (not bestiality kind of love, ewww! That would be sick and wrong. What are you thinking? How dare you figuratively molest a poor puppy with your mind!!)

As a puppy, Bailey would be all cute and non-begging even though she really was begging.

Then she'd get so quiet and patient that I'd forget she was there... and it was right about that moment that she'd go "RUFF!!!" and I'd jump like a mile off the couch (and yes she said "ruff" cause that's what puppies say. Grown up dogs say "woof").  Then she'd do that happy puppy prance as though it was the funniest thing ever.

                                                       Good thing I love that dog.



 One day, for some reason that I can't recall, Best Friend begged me to dog-sit Bailey and bring her to work with me.

She behaved pretty well considering she was in a place with lots of new smells. For a while, she just stared at me with big doe eyes.


And as dogs are wont to do.... she tried her best to convince me that I liked dog slobber all over my face.

Finally she conceded to just sleep under my desk.

To this day I'll never understand how a power strip is a comfy pillow.

Then again... she does like sleeping in bathtubs...

The End.

(or is it...?? dun dun duuuuuunnnn....)