Woke up at around 5am due to a dream about being on an alien planet with approximately 5-10 other people, which was fine because it was a pretty mellow atmosphere, and we were in a mansion that seemed similar to a parking garage(except that it was actually a mansion inside). The smaller local animals were edible (aside from the scary monster-ish ones, which the guys all hunted to protect us), and there was fresh water, so we were ok...
But there were only two other women... one was about to give birth and needed my help, and the other was some middle aged woman with short curly hair who wasn't convinced I was worthy of helping deliver the baby until I became officially "one of them". Which meant she tried to brand me with a hot metal frying pan full of coals.
I ran to the bathroom and tried to lock myself in for safety, but I didn't get the door closed quick enough, and she pushed it open! Luckily the guys were tackling her (took 3-4 of them!) and she ended up burning/branding her own leg badly... thought I was safe after that, but I wasn't. I woke up right as she managed to burn my leg mid tackle...
Here's some pictures to help you visualize the whole thing:
Within 5-10 minutes of waking up and wondering why it was 5am, my cat started hacking...
I got her off the bed just in time for her to puke on the carpet rather than my comforter... (I have a knack for that. Once I caught her just before she puked on my head/pillow! Groggy or not, her puking on my bed makes my 'cat-like reflexes' kick in. Pun intended).
I like to puke on your make-shift bed.
I don't know how I managed to fall back asleep, really...
So, today (and by today, I mean like a month ago when I forgot to post this) I decided to be healthy (for reals) and eat some Moroccan Spiced Quinoa Salad, but proceeded to spill a bunch on my keyboard. (One of the reasons why I should really stop eating near computers).
So, I laugh it off and tell my friend (let's call her Oracle, or maybe Editor. I may go back and forth, so pay attention and keep up) about my klutziness, and she asks if I've got canned air.
My first thought is how odd it is that humans put air in a can and then sell it... that sounds like more of a scam than bottled water. There must be a conspiracy.
I of course have never purchased such silliness, as air is free everywhere. I can get it pressurized using my own lungs too!!!
We then discuss how there's all sorts of junk probably living in my keyboard, and that using the canned air will get rid of it/kill it.
Which leads me to my second thought...
The Oracle wants me to murder the Whovian village that lives in my keyboard!!!
That would be Whovian genocide!!!
However, if they're evil as she claims, then it'll be like killing Dalek's = for the greater good of Ing-kind. So maybe I should invest in some...
(a billion points* if you noticed any of the Doctor Who references. A trillion points* if you noticed that the Dr. Seuss species that Horton hears, have the same name as Doctor Who fans...or maybe I accidentally made that up and Horton's critters are just plurally called "Who's" or something...hhhmmmm...) *Disclaimer: points have no actual monetary value and are just there to tell you how awesome you are.
Am I the only one who has to feel like I need to look presentable before making a phone call?
I'm not even talking about video calls.
Just regular ordinary phone calls where nobody can see you at all.
Seriously... I brush my hair, make sure I'm dressed, and make sure my make-up isn't smeared before picking up the phone to make necessary phone calls. Not sure why.
It's like I've been prepared for Skype my whole life, despite only discovering such a service recently.
Oh, man...
Just wait till I use Skype or other video calling services with more people than just BFF!! I'll have to be ready for a night out on the town or something!! What is wrong with me? haha
I am so weird, however I have a hard time believing that I'm the only one out there who does this...
So, I have this friend who lives in another state, and we only have random text conversations once in a while.
Tonight he starts off asking if I'm on Twitter, (which I'm not because I have Facebook and also recently have become obssessed with Pinterest, and I really don't need an addiction added to the collection that dumbs me down to something shorter than a Facebook status update). He asks me what Pinterest is, and I try my best to explain the concept of a virtual pinboard to a boy who probably has no idea what a real life one is.
Then he asks me where I was on MLK day...(Random jump in topic, I know, but that's how a lot of my friends work. Their randomness amuses me to no end.)
Here's where I have to backtrack...
Basically, before the internet was available on cell phones, I entertained myself at boring holiday events by texting everyone in my phone with a "Happy Whatever Holiday it is" text. This resulted in many texts back providing me with a false image of being much more popular and loved than I actually am. As I love fairy tales and science fiction and everything that is completely opposite of reality, this was exciting. Yay!
My friend (hhmmmm, I didn't nickname him yet did I? Let's call him Corn cause it makes sense to me and not to anyone else, and I think it's funny to confuse people on purpose once in a while)... So, Corn is always very pleased to receive my holiday texts, and gives me crap if he thinks I've missed a holiday.
Aaaaannnnnnddddd, now we're back on track again. Yippee!
My reply to him is as follows: "I don't text on all holidays in existence. That would be a lot of texting. Technically everyday is a holiday, for example... yesterday was "Appreciate a Dragon Day."
Corn: "I think you're a racist."
Me: "Against Dragons? You got me."
Corn: :b
Me: :)
Happy Belated Appreciate a Dragon Day guys!!
(I'm not really racist. Dragons are awesome!!)
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UPDATE (Jan 20th):
Corn: "I will never forgive you for missing MLK day"
It's been a while since I've posted anything, which really doesn't help me obtain readers (and attention). So I've decided I need to avoid the epic stories, and just keep it short and sweet (or short and weird, because weird is less boring than sweet.)So, to start things off in the appropriately awkward direction, here's a video I found when searching for Halloween costume ideas.
This video is seriously tempting me to be a unicorn or a centaur this year (and it also kind of makes me want to eat a cookie).
Although, even unemployed as I currently am, it's a lot of work to do in two weeks. Mainly because I wouldn't be able to settle for the only authentic looking part of the costume being hooves. The whole thing has to look authentic, (and by authentic, I mean "not cheap, half-assed, or store bought").
It's just how I roll.
If I had more money, and wasn't lazy, I'd start being a comi-con nerd-girl and making bad-ass costumes year round (I WAS Sailor Moon one year, and it was awesome).
(The pictures of the costume, are from back in the day when we actually went to a store to develop film. One day I'll scan them and you can see my costume. For now, laziness wins.)
However...socializing, boozing, eating, and sleeping appeal more to my lazy side than fancy costumes, and lazy wins out more often than ambition. My party loving socialite parts, and my socially awkward nerd parts are always conflicting. They have yet to get along properly.
Though, I'm taking lessons from BFF and Blanket, (not that I'm allowed to call her Blanket, it's not a nickname I have ever been any part of...but I've chosen to keep real names hidden from the public, so it's all I currently can think of). For those that don't know - both lovely ladies have this unnatural ability to unwittingly make the male species fall in love with them no matter what they do. I am simultaneously fascinated, baffled, curious, and skeptical as to how this is possible. If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn't have believed it.
I think BFF has super-human pheromones, and Blanket is just magical.
Like unicorns and centaurs are.
Whoa... my friends are mythological beasts. AWESOME!
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UPDATE: (even though I forgot to post this, thus causing this update to be more of the initial post... but, why get technical?)
I AM A MYTHOLOGICAL BEAST TOO!!!
That's me & BFF (she's wearing my old Peacock costume, which I also made).
Yup, that's right. I'm an effing dragon. A DRAGON!!! and I pulled off the costume (aka: made it) in two weeks.
Sadly, the feet were never finished. They are just giant chenille pipe-cleaners bent into talon shape. They look a lot like Muppet feet, which is hilarious to me. I kinda want to take a picture for you, but that would mean cleaning so you don't see the current disastrous mess that is this house.
Again, laziness wins.
Come January, I hope to move and leave this mess behind, thus you'll get more pictures and possibly more posts cause I'll be all happy and inspired to write/post pictures, and be silly to no one in particular since no one really reads my blogs. If you read, you should leave me comments cause I'm pretty sure you readers (aside from the few I've pressured into reading this) are as mythological as my costume.
I DO BELIEVE IN READERS, I DO, I DO!!! (You're kinda like fairies, right?)
Just because you live in a climate that is always rainy, cloudy, and hasn't seen much of a spring/summer yet despite it being the end of June... does not mean you should ignore this fantastic invention called sunscreen.
I am half lobster, and my seat belt has decided I must suffer repeatedly for it.
Dear Seat Belt,
You don't have to rub it in anymore.
I feel the burn.
Thanks for the reminder though, I know you're only trying to keep me safe.
Seriously, my friend couldn't work because they knocked out the power in her building. This happened for at least two days... And she gets to blame squirrels!
I want to blame squirrels for something.
I blame squirrels for Anakin becoming Darth Vadar. If squirrels had been Jedi's, he would have told that old wrinkly evil dude: "You have cool powers and all, but they've got flying squirrels with light sabers... you just can't compete with Jedi Squirrels."
PURE AWESOME
Super Squirrel!!
Dear Squirrels,
You are way cooler than chipmunks, especially you flying squirrels. You're cute, with fluffy tails, and badass because you can fly too!
(Well, you para glide, but that's more than chipmunks can do, and they've been getting all the publicity).
I think you should continue causing minor annoyances so that you can enjoy some of the spotlight in Hollywood too.
Sincerely,
ING
Dear Alvin, Simon & Theodore,
Move over, there's some new tiny furry critters in town, and they mean business.
They don't fuck around, they can cut off power lines, do Kung Fu, handle four light sabers at once, and who knows what else.
They might even steal your girlfriends. Girls dig bad boys, and these guys are badasses.
Sincerely,
ING
And now, just because I'm bored and don't really know how to end a blog about squirrels, you get some pictures proving how awesome squirrels are:
They play poker.
Told you some of them knew some Kung Fu! They probably even know some Ninjitsu, and Karate, etc...
I really really wish this little guy was real!! I'd totally have one as a pet!!! **swoon**
