Note to self...

Just because you live in a climate that is always rainy, cloudy, and hasn't seen much of a spring/summer yet despite it being the end of June... does not mean you should ignore this fantastic invention called sunscreen.

I am half lobster, and my seat belt has decided I must suffer repeatedly for it.

Dear Seat Belt,

You don't have to rub it in anymore.

I feel the burn.

Thanks for the reminder though, I know you're only trying to keep me safe.

Sincerely,
ING

I blame squirrels.

Apparrently Bellevue has a flying squirrel problem.

Houston, we have a problem...

Seriously, my friend couldn't work because they knocked out the power in her building. This happened for at least two days...
And she gets to blame squirrels!


I want to blame squirrels for something.

I blame squirrels for Anakin becoming Darth Vadar. If squirrels had been Jedi's, he would have told that old wrinkly evil dude:  "You have cool powers and all, but they've got flying squirrels with light sabers... you just can't compete with Jedi Squirrels."

PURE AWESOME

 

Super Squirrel!!

 Dear Squirrels,
You are way cooler than chipmunks, especially you flying squirrels. You're cute, with fluffy tails, and badass because you can fly too!

(Well, you para glide, but that's more than chipmunks can do, and they've been getting all the publicity). 

I think you should continue causing minor annoyances so that you can enjoy some of the spotlight in Hollywood too.

Sincerely,
ING












Dear Alvin, Simon & Theodore,

Move over, there's some new tiny furry critters in town, and they mean business.

They don't fuck around, they can cut off power lines, do Kung Fu, handle four light sabers at once, and who knows what else.

They might even steal your girlfriends. Girls dig bad boys, and these guys are badasses.

Sincerely,
ING







And now, just because I'm bored and don't really know how to end a blog about squirrels, you get some pictures proving how awesome squirrels are:

They play poker.

Told you some of them knew some Kung Fu! They probably even know some Ninjitsu, and Karate, etc...

I really really wish this little guy was real!! I'd totally have one as a pet!!! **swoon**







Purple Corndogs

I just remembered that I used to eat purple corndogs in elementary school.

No, not a bold purple, but a sickly purplish-pink color. Hot dogs and corn dogs are supposed to have that nice fleshy pink color to them:

(wow, shouldn't have used the word "fleshy" right there... kind of an appetite killer) but in elementary, we'd get all excited on corndog day, only to bite into something that looked not quite right.

Also fleshy cause it's got a face! It's alive!!! Aaahhh!!

hhhhmmm... after having made that picture, I'm realizing a zombie corndog with ketchup blood would have been way cooler. I'll have to make a zombie corndog for you some day in the future, just not today.

Instead, here's a picture I found online of a crazy corndog that's just not right. It could be delicious, but it's still just not quite right.

Not really sure why they would serve us something like that. Isn't there quality control for school lunches? Maybe not. I do recall crinkle fries being served. I love fries, but despise crinkle fries. They're like little crimped monsters of no flavor.

You'd think kids would react like John Oliver did in the Purple Dinner Incident of 1981 to things like purple hot dogs and crimped bland fries, but for some reason, children of all picky-ness levels still eat them. Maybe it's the novelty of them being different? My mom did get me to eat broccoli by telling me they were little trees (honestly not sure why that worked - you don't eat big trees), and olives were fun cause you could stick them on your fingertips.

But purple hot dogs? Was it that kids like purple things? Is that how Grimace (essentially a monster of sorts) could help convince kids to eat Happy Meals?

(Disclaimer: found this picture online. Don't sue me for it. Imitation is flattery, or something.)

Apparently purple is delicious to kids, and kids are delicious to purple.

(Disclaimer: again... not mine. Found online. But you should know that cause who doesn't remember the One Eyed One Horned Flying Purple People Eater?)

Mmmmmmmmm.... Purple....

Evil Death Balls

I was momentarily enthralled by fun white min-pellets, until the drive home reminded me of the evil within those disguises and the havoc they wreak.

Luckily I foiled snow's destructive plans and made it home safely. Phew!

But a warning to you... Don't let fluffy flakes or bouncy fun fool you.... it's a trap!!! 


Speaking of flakes... Mother nature could use some Head & Shoulders too...

Don't be a Flake.

Dear "Tony the Tiger",

I think you're a bit 'cornfused'... your flakiness is not great.

We make plans, and you don't call, don't show...

I decided, rather than get upset at your childish antics, to offer a helpful solution:

Hope to hear from you soon!

Sincerely,
ING

Bailey

So, about 3 years ago Best Friend lived with me. And she talked me into allowing her to get a dog. Since I'm a sucker for cute fuzzy critters, I said yes. I shouldn't have because I severely underestimated the potty training of puppies... but I said yes and soon fell in love with this little dog named Bailey. (not bestiality kind of love, ewww! That would be sick and wrong. What are you thinking? How dare you figuratively molest a poor puppy with your mind!!)

As a puppy, Bailey would be all cute and non-begging even though she really was begging.

Then she'd get so quiet and patient that I'd forget she was there... and it was right about that moment that she'd go "RUFF!!!" and I'd jump like a mile off the couch (and yes she said "ruff" cause that's what puppies say. Grown up dogs say "woof").  Then she'd do that happy puppy prance as though it was the funniest thing ever.

                                                       Good thing I love that dog.



 One day, for some reason that I can't recall, Best Friend begged me to dog-sit Bailey and bring her to work with me.

She behaved pretty well considering she was in a place with lots of new smells. For a while, she just stared at me with big doe eyes.


And as dogs are wont to do.... she tried her best to convince me that I liked dog slobber all over my face.

Finally she conceded to just sleep under my desk.

To this day I'll never understand how a power strip is a comfy pillow.

Then again... she does like sleeping in bathtubs...

The End.

(or is it...?? dun dun duuuuuunnnn....)

I wanna be a Centaur!!! Scorpions are yucky!!

First they tell me Pluto's not a planet anymore, and now they're telling me I'm a Scorpion not a Centaur. Not cool guys, not cool.


  And what the heck is an Ophiuchus (how do you even pronounce that)? It's apparently a man wrestling a snake. Sounds inappropriate if you ask me. Must be why they ditched that one back in the day. They were definitely more conservative back then.



Oops, misspelled Scorpion. Twice. Deal with it.

 I'd much rather be a Centaur than a Scorpion. Centaurs are awesome, all the benefits of being a horse, but added bonus of being kinda human still too!! Kinda like being a mermaid, but less problems with running errands. Since, you know... mermaid's can't run....


So they say... but I'm stubborn and I refuse to give up my awesomeness for creepiness.

Then again... Scorpions have little legs.

As a Centaur, I've got some serious calves.

No joke!  The other day I tried on these tall boots I've been wanting. I could barely squeeze my calves into them. It was very disappointing...

note the hooves reaching out to each other in protest

I bought the boots anyways. I managed to zip them, so they'll stretch out right? Maybe I should return them... hhhmm....

Oh, did I mention a friend asked me to be in a photo shoot? The same day a that lady from the Progressive commercials decided to visit... so I got to take photos while feeling gross.

That's probably why my baby cows didn't want to fit in the boots either. They were probably protesting. They saw it coming.

Wait?!?!

I have psychic cows instead of legs!!!

So cool!!!